I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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