I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
