Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize