I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
