im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
