i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
