spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize