you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
