I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
