Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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