Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
