I wanna passion pit in your ass
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
