I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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