the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
