I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize