News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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