Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Two words: blizzard sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize