Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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