I bet he comes in French.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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