Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize