he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
