My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize