The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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