What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
