and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
