I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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