Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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