Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
