don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
