So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
