My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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