I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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