I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
