He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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