it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
