theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
