dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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