We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
