I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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