I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
