Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
