Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
