do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
