Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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