oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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