Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
