What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
