I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's always time for handjobs
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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