Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
