Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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