Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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