my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We need to rekindle our bromance
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
