woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He kissed a someone with a penis
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The air taste purple.
Randomize