It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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