omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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