so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
