She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize