Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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