I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
bring money and cleavage
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I smell like Dick and happiness
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
