You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
