my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
