i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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