Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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