So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize