weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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