I wish I only lived at night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize