you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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