Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
