What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
